I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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