and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize