just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I did not marry a roomba.
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