Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
is that a dick in a sweater?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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