Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
