My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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