what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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