My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
