I'd wear matching sweaters with you
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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