Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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