she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
