wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
