Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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