I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
