i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
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