You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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