all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
