eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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