I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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