I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
