I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
