Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
