I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
