did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i wish my penis had a tongue
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
