i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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