Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
no you cant smoke seaweed
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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