Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
