At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
