I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
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