I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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