I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
