I hate all girls vehemently.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
