Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
