If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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