On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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