His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
