Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
