He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Randomize