Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
