dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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