I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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