You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
