We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
