I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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