How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
