Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
