my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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