Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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