wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
