I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
