So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
