Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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