Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
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