someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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