My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The uberlube is also flammable
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
