I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
