My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she told me i tasted like america
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
