Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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