...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
