yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
