If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
