I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I bet he comes in French.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize