My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
