she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
